love is fickle

fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk i forgot what it feels like to do well in school. 

i really like the weather.. i mean like how unusually warm and all but i'm a little concerned that its actually a bad biproduct of global warming. just throwing that out there

wow i graduated
what a strange realization. i mean i don't feel sad or nostalgic (yet) but its hard to really think that cleveland is no longer MY high school. i'm only a ghost, a 'once was' graduate who only really lives on as long as someone remembers me. i look back and realize that i didn't really make any significant contribution to anything at the school. i wasn't president, i wasn't in leadership, knights and ladies, or senior board. i remember being so optimistic about everything in the beginning of 9th grade. i was so excited and had so many plans to be someone at school. i realize now how little all that matters (thank you postmodernism). i will still remember it all somehow... thru livejournal and numerous pictures and our new aged technology. hopefully

yay im ism is done!
i'm so happy with the way things turned out and it was so much fun!
ysy ellenism

i feel lost, sad and nostolgic. high school is ending and swim banquet was today. today was the first time i realized that a major chapter in my life is ending. i look back at the life i've lived and i wonder, am i satisfied? if i could go back, what would i change about it. i blame Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind for that one. sometimes i wish i could just erase my memory and start all over again. would i still lead the same life? would it be more fulfiling? is it all just contingent? for that i blame the Unbearable Lightness of Being and core. i can't imagine what life would have been like if i had gone to granada or reseda instead of cleveland. would i be on the swim team? i wouldn't know any philosophy. i would be stuck in the racist patriarchal mindset that i was in before 11th grade. i didn't get a 2400 on my SATs and i didn't get 5s on all my APs, but i learned about life and real life lessons at cleveland. i feel so grateful to all my teachers even the ones i didn't really like.

i still feel like im in a dark fog of uncertainty about life and any adventure i embark on. i feel lonely but free with the existential question of what do i want to do? there are so many possibilities and i'm stuck with nothingness, no necessity for the things i do, no reason for why things are. should i try to make choices as nietzsche says, or follow the river current (taoism)? why are things so hard. why am i burdened by choice? shouldn't i feel liberated? college in 2 months but im petrified and unsure, excited and ready to leave. i think my brain is bipolar

ya so i finally got my license and i passed the first time :] yay i made 9 mistakes but whatever. all that matters is that i got it :D yay! i'm so overwhelmed with stuff to do its ridiculus... anyway good luck on your APs everyone

so i decided, UCSD! yay i'm excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

my final midterm is tomorrow! how sad and ughhhhhh i really don't want to take it! omg i hate it! anyway it seems easy and it doesn't really matter terribly anyway :]]]

so pop art was due today! ah i loved everyone's including my own little obsession with my starbucks cup. best part by far was going into starbucks with my cup

here are some pics of my cup



( more here )

so went to see death cab for cutie last nite con alex at the KCRW show and i was really excited bc of death cab and ben harper was playing too. so i was pleasantly surprised to hear Feist, Sia, and Gomez, bands i haven't heard before. then the lead singer of Spoon was there and sang. He was excellent! so there were a lot of surpises then fucking FRANZ FERDINAND played! omg it was amazing and i think they really stole the show. i was kinda tired when death cab came on but i still love them dearly.
i still can't believe i saw like 2 of my favorite bands live, and so close! ah i'm in partial shock

mr linn told my dad that i was very passive in class. he said that i would never rule the world, i would never become a dictator.

he was definately crunked

i regret to inform you
i didn't get into my first choice
oh well
i'm bitter and upset and i wish people would be more sensitive to the fact that not everyone gets in. i wish i could be as enthusiastic about not getting as all of you are excited about it. be happy and be excited BUT be aware that you were 1/10
so the other 9 didn't get in and probably aren't happy about it

ok so winterformal was a lot of fun.
the dj sucked but i got to spend the last school dance with my girls. next: PRRRROOOOMMMMMMMMM!!
ooo i'm excited!
oh and ashley was my date and we went salvation army chic! yes both our dresses are from the salarmy!
anyway here are my pics!


( PICTURES )

ok omg jeremy bloom must be related to orlando bloom, he is so hot omg!!
apparently he's a freestyle skiier as well as a football player but with these abs...

would you know that?

anyway, i love the olympic season. everyone is excited about sports and theres even a little nationalist pride. i want the US to win but i also like it when smaller countries win. i'm happy that norway has the most medals right now, i mean how wonderfully random! out all countries, norway?! wtf man... any way, i wish michelle kwan was competing.

i love her so much and i don't really like the hughes family thing... it reminds me of the jackson family and their success.....

i find it kinda ironic that all the "major" competetors all let their sponsors down on the US team: Michelle Kwan, Apollo Ohno, Bode Miller... i mean intentional or not they didn't really compete well. Apollo slipped then missed his event, Bode raced a little boozed without practice runs and well Michelle with her poor groin

i want the olympic theme to be my ringtone... that'd be really fun.

ps i really enjoyed my valentines day <3

so yesterday i went rock climbing at malibu state creek and that was really fun. the only bad part is that i'm so sore it hurts to open my refrigerator. in addition to that we had our first 2 hour practice with coach watching like a hawk. (note to self, don't ditch swim... ever or at least not a whole grade ditch swim) basically my whole body hurts but i guess i'm ok. i hate nietzsche and his "do what makes you happy for yourown life crap." i personally think (right now) that the herd is a good place to be in right now, at least with my parents. apparently i have an attitude problem. i hate nietzsche. he can suck it.

anyway here are rock climbing pictures but you can ignore the ones with my dad and sister

( ROCK CLIMBING )

btw i'm really not looking forward to the next linn test whenever it maybe... wittgenstein is going to be a bitch to spell over and over again

( i give you permission to ignore )

on a non-angry-teenage-angsty note....
this is the fruit of my 5 week labor with studio art... aka my existentialist painting


for all you 12th grade core kids and ex core kids, you tell me what it means. for everyone else, this is my writeup/explanation:
( what does it mean!? )

This ladies and gentlemen, is the GOD of abercrombie and fitch. this is the man who made paperthin shirts worth $25 and ripped jeans $80. He's actually 61. pretty damn hip eh?

( more about the A&F CEO )

i'm so sad that hollister is just abercrombie but better
ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

i love it when mr. linn says "hullo" to me in the hall in that rushed, disgruntled way.
ah the perks of 12th grade core
one of these days i'm going to say "hullo" in that same disgruntled way

ugh i <3 him dearly
too bad he swings the other way
seriously:: http://www.bravotv.com/Project_Runway_2/Bios/Designers/Daniel_V/video.shtml

i want chloe, nick, and santino/daniel

i hate santino but i think the judges will put him in the top three but who knows, they might pull an austin scarlett

i think ms white needs a giant pill of reality